Character Resemblance in Things Fall Apart Research Paper

Character Resemblance in Things Fall Apart - Research Paper Example Unoka’s actions made him popular in his community where they looked down on him as a weak individual giving the name, agbala, a term to resemble a woman’s weakness. Despite his father’s actions, Okonkwo is determined to outshine him and gain enough respect and wealth from the community. He develops an ambitious and character that makes him insensitive and dominating especially to his children and wives. Unlike his father, Okonkwo gains positive fame in his community by winning a wrestling match. The story takes another twist when Okonkwo is given Ikemefuna to take care of being a community leader. The boy is used in the text to symbolize the desire for Mbaino, the adjacent village to keep the peace with Umuofia. Okonkwo, full of ambition and desire to express his egoistic issues, dictates his opinions to his family and communities mostly through actions. From breaking the peace week rules to killing Ikemefuna, he demonstrates his character as stubborn and insecur e. He wants to distance himself from his father’s doings and is acutely sensitive, especially when it comes down to proving how powerful he could be. The story tells of the tragic incidences that follow Okonkwo’s every action that makes all of his plans to succeed fail. The real tragedy starts when he unintentionally kills one of his clansmen at Ezeudu’s funeral and is forced to flee Umuofia for seven years. These made him lose all of the popularity that he had earned when he is forced to depart the village together with his family. All is not well at Okonkwo’s home, his son despises him and his daughter gets ill. He, then, seeks refuge at his mother’s home village staying with his uncle. During this stay, the villages around them undergo a transformation, as their traditional beliefs dropped for Christianity. Nwoye, his son, is one of the converts who decides to swap the traditional beliefs for Christianity and attend the new school. The arrival o f missionaries dictating the land rules marked Okonwo’s demise, when he finally accepted that it had been effortless to embrace change. He retaliates by taking his life, hence, things fall apart. Chinua’s captivating story presents a drama with events revolving around Okonkwo and values a traditional society holds. Several characters in this story share common beliefs and present similar behavior. Resemblance of Characters and Traditional Beliefs The story is centered on a traditional community with a lot of belief and rules governing their society. Men view themselves as more superior and able to dictate the decisions made in families and society. Nwagbara claims that Chinua Achebe has successfully explained how women were exceedingly marginalized by the traditional societal beliefs. They are hardly included in the decision making process, because men carry the responsibility to make decisions that affect the entire society (Nwagbara, 3). Their role in the book is to bear the shame of men and ensure the family is in excellent health. Through their behavior, several characters contribute to the topic of gender inequality. Okonkwo plays a crucial role in clearly defining the form of oppression and abuse that women face in a traditional society. He is desperate to prove his manhood to the society and power angry, any effort to link him to a weak man drives his anger. Okonkwo is an insensitive man who is cruel to not only his children, but also his wives. Women, according to Okonkwo, are

The Deepwater Horizon Accident Management Essay

The Deepwater Horizon Accident Management Essay 1. Introduction The concept of effective leadership represents a theoretical framework to analyse the case study Deepwater Horizon Accident. The idea of an effective leader can be captured by the following basic principles: The leader must have a long term and strategic vision (what should be achieved? How should be achieved? Who should achieve an identified goal?). A leader should be focused on people. This implies the identification of instrumental goals, their effective communication, and human beings involvement. The involvement depends both on incentive system and involvement. Effective leaders are increasingly characterised as being enablers helping people and organisations to perform and develop. This implies that the leader has to achieve a sophisticated alignment between peoples needs and the aims of the organisation The leader needs to balance, reconcile and integrate opposite cultural values (Hofstede). The conflicting values and cultural differences emerge whenever a leader deals with stakeholders (consumers, environmental groups, trade unions). Hofestede (1978) identifies four dimensions to analyse cultural value of nations. He describes the following elements: power distance individualism vs. collectivism Masculinity vs. femininity Weak vs. strong uncertainty avoidance Long vs. short term orientation 2. The Case Study The Deepwater Horizon Accident was caused by the escape of hydrocarbons resulting in explosions and fire on the rig. At that time the social media emphasis in this accident is not only about the death of eleven people and the injury of seven, but also in connection with main environmental damages (such as the rig sank and the continued flow of hydrocarbons from the reservoir). The following investigation reveals that: The team did not identify any single action or inaction that caused this accident. Rather, a complex and interlinked series of mechanical failures, human judgments, engineering design, operational implementation and team interfaces came together to allow the initiation and escalation of the accident. Multiple companies, work teams and circumstances were involved over time. ( BP 2010, 5) Thus, the problematic situation in Mexican Gulf seems to be generated by the leadership style, as the leader failed to focus on developing a clear vision and communication and exercising strong control to the organization. This statement represents a thought provoking situation in order to analyse the behaviour and leadership style of three leaders (Tony Hayward, Bob Dudley, and Barack Obama) 2.1 Tony Hayward At the time of natural disaster Tony Hayward was the Chief executive of BP. In coherence with Hofstede (1978), he showed a short term vision in his communication activity. The Guardian (14 May 2010) indicate that the Chief executive declared: The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume. The same article report the emerging conflicts between BPs efforts (to contain the spill had succeeded in dispersing the oil and preventing large amounts reaching the shoreline around the Gulf) and the environmentalists concerns the unseen damage being done to marine life. Additionally, Tony Hayward admitted that BP had made mistakes in its early response to the crisis. It initially refused to compensate fishermen who were unable to produce written proof of their normal earnings. Instead, his main worry concerned share values and profit distribution. The leader also failed to deal with the stake holders revealing an individualistic approach and short term vision in firms management style. This aspect was also revealed by the weak safety policy adopted by the BP Company. 2.2 Bob Dudley Following the criticism related to Tony Hayward, Bob Dudley was designated as the new Bp Chief Executive. Mr Dudley joined the board of BP before, as his most high-profile role was as the chief executive of BPs joint venture in Russia, exploiting oil fields in eastern Siberia. The BBC report (2010) reveals: Mr Dudley is widely respected within the company, and from a PR point of view, it might help that he is American, not British. BP has often been described as Public Enemy Number One in the US since the oil spill. Now that the company is to be run by an American, it could help it in its battle to rebuild its reputation in the US. In coherence with Hofestede (1978), this assumption underlines the implications of national distance on leadership recognition and recruitment. The Christian Science Monitor (2010) also reports BPs voice in America will no longer come with a British accent attached. The Christian Science Monitor (2010) also indicates: The oil industry is difficult one, so bob Dudley is use to dealing with problem around the world. He is not to solve the problem immediacy but he is working to plug the wellhead leak. At the same he has been very careful to the how he speaks to the person. In accordance with these empirical evidences a crisis management requires contingency theory can explain leadership style. (Mintzberg, 1979). However, another criticism from Bob Dudleys leadership style related to high ethical and moral issues. This aspect emerges with his previous experiences in Russia area. . 2.3 Barack Obama The new leader of US, Barack Obama has signalled the intention to assign criminal charges in the Gulf of Mexico oil spill disaster. Mr Obama said that the US government feels BP must pay for clean-up of the spill. This approach can be equated the position of Obama to that of a leader of social justice. However, there some critical aspects: A. the social media describe that Obama was playing golf during the oil crises; B. the majority of Americans disapproves of how Mr Obama has managed the crisis; C. the Republicans accuses Mr Obama of exploiting the crisis for his own political gain. , pledging to bring those responsible to justice if laws were broken. President Barack Obama sharpened his criticism of BP Plc and pressed the energy giant to halt the oil gushing from its ruptured well. President Barack Obama has been criticised for playing golf while the BP oil spill disaster continues Barack Obama has been criticised for continuing to play golf while oil spills into the Gulf of Mexico. He has played at least seven times since the Deepwater Horizon rig exploded on April 20, creating Americas biggest environmental disaster. Having already racked up 39 games since taking office, Mr Obama is approaching the record as the U.S. President spending the most time on the golf course. Republican Party chairman Michael Steele has called on the President to stop playing until the oil leak has been curbed. The satisfaction of employees and communication was effective .indeed his inspiration been put in place and focus in company. it argue that the organization context operates has largely of failed. Critics would argue that is due to the behaviour characteristic. The leader had such difficulty in focus on systems maintenances, and meets the work criteria in which cause numbers of catastrophic disaster and left eleven people without live. Unwillingness in leaders is composed of negative associate with productivity subordinate. The factors analysis produced two understandably behaviour dimensions and differences in these behaviours associate to effectiveness. One series of studies has collect date however according to theory enhance a subordinate perception of a link between the effort and outcomes. The leadership styles did not providing opportunities for consultation special managers and staff in this system management the relationship between leader and mangers wasnt based on trust, seemed forgotten to inspire their subordinates to do thing behind the capabilities, the key issue of these was in communication and implement the vision affect. Conclusion Tony is not great global diplomat was more an individual in the organization his concern was more in share values and obviously on profit, unfortunately his turn the company into disaster. But about that Bob Dudley is a better choice; better communicating with press comes cross with good knowledge. According to research analysis the new leader has more ability and understanding leader, with full of expectation. Compare with new leader political Obama uncertain when comes to decision and culture problems when comes to share in other hands Mr Obama has spend most his time in the Mexican gulf, research saying that he has approach the record in US . The investigation theres not such evidence requires the court order. Unsuccessful the Leader had not exercise strong control of the organization. This is due of the characteristic and style of the leader. Not surprisingly, a large amount of research showing that the result was catastrophic. Argue that relationship between leader behaviour and his effectiveness was modified by the organization. It can been seen leader has specific difficulties such maintaining work standards Bob Dudley replacement its certain he will move the company forwards, beside is not strange in the gulf or BP or the US press. he works in oil field for such long time place, such as Russia and demonstrated well work under the pressure with ability and focused and he work standards in Russian was well known. Mr Dudley was untainted by the major operation problems such as Alaska and Deepwater Horizon has a good vision and strategy. The company move forward with a new leader and new regulations but its unknown that Dudley will change the culture, According to research theres no doubt however, he focus on development a clear vision to the future company by communicating effectively and exercises strong control of the organization. It was a very interesting story to research

Essay on Freedom and Satan in John Milton’s Paradise Lost

Freedom and Satan in Paradise Lost  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚     Ã‚   Satan's primary operational problem in Paradise Lost is his lack of obedience. The fundamental misunderstanding which leads to Satan's disobedience is his separation of free will from God's hierarchical power. In the angel Raphael's account, Satan tells his dominions, "Orders and Degrees/Jarr not with liberty" (5.792-93). Tempting as this differentiation seems, Satan is mistaken. Free will and hierarchical power are not mutually exclusive, as Satan suggests, but overlapping concepts. Even though Satan has been created with sufficient freedom to choose to disobey, he tacitly acknowledges God's sovereignty when he exercises his choice. Satan is constrained existentially, from the outset, by having a specific choice to make about whether or not to obey God. Satan, just as all angels, demons, and humans, may exercise his freedom as assent or dissent, for God had created him "Sufficient to have stood, though free to fall./Such I [God] created all th' ethereal powers/And spirits . . . /Freely they stood who stood, and fell who fell" (3.99-102; cf. 5.549). If Satan would choose neither to assent nor to dissent, thereby refusing to exercise his free will, he would be discarding his free will. But this is impossible, as the demons determine in counsel in Book II; so long as he exists, Satan must make choices with respect to his possible obedience to God. If Satan's first mistake was to completely divorce his free will from God's power in giving him that freedom, his second mistake occurs in his conception of what it means to exercise that freedom. God says that "Not free, what proof could they [Satan et al.] have given sincere/Of true allegiance"? (3.103-04). But Satan has exactly the... ...lthough one can choose, as Satan does, to dissent and disobey, such purportedly self-creative acts are in fact merely an acknowledgment of God's hierarchical power. When pride and ambition to be like God prevent humans from hearing the "umpire Conscience" God has placed within us (3.195; Satan likewise has been given conscience enough to remember the call to obedience, 4.23), we become like Satan, for the same reasons constrained to listen only to the Satanic voice dissenting in our ears. Works Cited Scott Elledge, ed., Paradise Lost, second edn. (NY: Norton, 1993). Millicent Bell, "The Fallacy of the Fall in Paradise Lost," PMLA 68 (1953), 863-83; here p. 878. Northrop Frye, The Return of Eden (Buffalo: Univ. of Toronto, 1965), 39-40, 43 Barbara Lewalski, Paradise Lost and the Rhetoric of Literary Forms (Princeton: Princeton U. , 1985), 174.   

Ethical Perspectives Essay

The two ethical dilemmas presented in the simulation involved possible sexual harassment in the workplace and the reporting of inaccurate scientific data. Using a five-step method referred to as the Baird Decision Model, one made the most ethical decision based on four different perspectives. The perspectives, referred to as the Rights and Responsibilities, Results, Relationship, and Reputation Lenses, required one to take into account various aspects when determining the best decision to make for each dilemma. In the case of the Mysterious Roses, the ethical issue presented in the simulation was how the Director of Sales could ensure an employee could talk about possible sexual harassment from a coworker while the Director of Sales treated all employees fairly in the investigation (University of Phoenix, 2013). To address the issue, one used the five-step process, being attentive, intelligent, reasonable, responsible, and reflective (University of Phoenix, 2013). Using the Rights an d Responsibilities Lens, one attended to the context by reading all emails, carefully considering all information presented (University of Phoenix, 2013). Next one explored the values in tension to determine a proper statement of the issue (University of Phoenix, 2013). After stating the issue, one determined who were the stakeholders involved. Next the Director of Sales identified his or her duties owed to the stakeholder and determined the degree, low, medium or high, of the impact the decision would have on each stakeholder (University of Phoenix, 2013). In the next step, the Director of Sales acted with courage and chose what he or she believed to be the best option to resolve the issue (University of Phoenix, 2013). The final step was reflecting on his or her decision (University of Phoenix, 2013). However, when using the Results Lens, after attending to the context, properly stating the issue, and determining the stakeholders involved, one identified the ethical desires of each stakeholder (University of Phoenix, 2013). Next, the Director of Sales chose the best option combining his or her stakeholder impact analysis with his or her knowledge of what will satisfy each stakeholder’s ethical desires (University of Phoenix, 2013). Last, one reflected on his or her decision (University of Phoenix, 2013). The Rights and Responsibilities perspective leaned toward rationality, influencing the Director of Sales’ decision to inform Gayle the Director of Sales can keep personal matters confidential, but may have to report the problem if it is work-related. The Director of Sales also encouraged Gayle to review the Company Handbook before meeting with him or her. The decision allowed the employee to maintain responsibility for her own actions while the Director of Sales fulfilled his or her duties (University of Phoenix, 2013). The Results perspective leaned toward sensibility, influencing the decision to inform Gayle the Director of Sales cannot guarantee confidentiality until the employee tells the Director of Sales what the issue is. The decision encouraged the employee to talk about the situation so the Director of Sales can assist the employee (University of Phoenix, 2013). In the case of Cold Feet, the ethical issue was how to resolve a false report while preserving the integrit y of G-BioSport (University of Phoenix, 2013). Using the five-step process from the Relationship Lens perspective, one attended to the context by reading the emails, carefully considering the information presented, as well as determined the stakeholders involved (University of Phoenix, 2013). Next the Senior Scientist recognized the basic liberties, the right to notice, the right to voice, and the right to have contracts honored, of the members of the community (University of Phoenix, 2013). After recognizing the basic liberties, the Senior Scientist determined which two stakeholders were the most and the least advantaged, combined this knowledge with the identified basic liberties, and chose the best option for resolving the issue (University of Phoenix, 2013). The final step involved reflecting on one’s decision (University of Phoenix, 2013). When using the Reputation Lens perspective, after the Senior Scientist determined the stakeholders, he or she defined his or her own role according to his or her ethical values (University of Phoenix, 2013). Next the Senior Scientist acted with courage, choosing the most ethical option and in the final step, reflected on his or her decision (University of Phoenix, 2013). The Relationship Lens perspective leaned toward rationality, influencing the Senior Scientist to inform Doctor Waters the Senior Scientist will begin an in-house investigation without mentioning the â€Å"whistleblower† (University of Phoenix, 2013). The decision based on fairness, allowed the Senior Scientist to follow the letter of policy by confronting his or her colleague and informing the Chief Legal Officer of the situation (University of Phoenix, 2013). The Reputation Lens perspective leaned toward sensibility, influencing the Senior Scientist to inform Doctor Waters of the concerns without mentioning the â€Å"whistleblower† and informing the General Counsel of possible misconduct if Doctor Waters did not admit or explain the problems (University of Phoenix, 2013). In this decision, the Senior Scientist gave his or her colleague the benefit of the doubt and may have to work with the Chief Legal Officer to determine an appropriate method of resolving the issue (University of Phoenix, 2013). The concept of not tolerating sexual harassment in the workplace relates to my workplace because a certain assistant manager briefly dated a line cook. After the line cook ended the relationship, the assistant manager continually commanded the line cook to perform extra duties and reprimanded the line cook for any mistakes made either by the line cook or any other employee as well as insisted the line cook resume dating the assistant manag er. The line cook informed the general manager of the situation and requested a transfer to another store. The general manager honored the line cook’s request and disciplined the assistant manager. Although the relationship was consensual between the line cook and assistant manager, after the line cook decided to end the relationship, and the assistant manager continued to pursue the line cook, a sexual harassment issue ensued. Ethical decisions made in the workplace can be difficult for one to make, but the four perspectives or lenses, Rights and Responsibilities, Results, Relationship, and Reputation, along with the Baird Decision Model can make choosing the best action easier. The goal to making the most ethical decision for a dilemma is to minimize any negative effects on any of the stakeholders involved while being attentive, intelligent, reasonable, responsible, and reflective. Depending on which perspective one uses, one will lean toward either rationality, such as wit h the Rights and Responsibilities as well as the Relationship Lens, or toward sensibility, such as with the Results and Reputation Lens. . References University of Phoenix. (2013). ETHICS GAME: The Mysterious Roses and Cold Feet [Assessment]. Retrieved from the University of Phoenix, ETH316-Ethics and Social Responsibility course website.

Gambling in guyana is a benefit to the society Essay

I support the argument that gambling in Guyana is a benefit to the society. When I say gambling, I refer to legal gambling. I acknowledge that gambling can become an addictive activity on a personal basis and can lead one to bankruptcy. At the same time I believe that Guyanese should be given the freedom of choice to determine how they spend their money and what decisions are best for them. Some argue that gambling is bad for our society since it makes one addicted to it as with drugs. I totally disagree since unlike drugs, gambling is not physically but is physiologically addictive. The Guyana lottery, established in 1997, is deemed a legal form of gambling by the laws of Guyana. The lottery involves playing various games of chance with the hope of earning fast tax free cash. In an interview with Tracey Lewis, the lottery company’s general manager, she stated that the company provides direct employment for 34 persons and business opportunities for approximately 80 retail agents. She also stated that the company has earned over $4. 5 billion in revenue for our country to date. From the facts given, can one really argue that a company that has done so much and is continuing to do much more is not beneficial for Guyana? I highly doubt that since this company has made it possible for many Guyanese to be employed and also has donated significantly to our already struggling economy. The Gambling Prevention Law which was amended in 2007 legalized the establishment of casinos locally. The Casino provides a means of employment to many Guyanese and also is a source of revenue since the Casino owners are compelled to pay tax. The Casino Act states that the only people who can gamble at the casino are international tourists and locals who are guests at the hotel. One may argue that gambling in casinos will make more Guyanese bankrupt. This can easily be refuted since the legislation only permit locals staying at the hotels to access the facility. In an interview with a receptionist at the Princess Hotel in Guyana, she claimed that about 99% of the guests at the hotel were foreigners. This clearly shows that it is highly unlikely that locals will become bankrupt from gambling at the casino since they are not usually guests there. The legislation permits only gambling in newly built hotels with a minimum of 250 rooms. Thus, this opened the doors for foreign investors to invest in new hotels here which will in turn create employment opportunities. How can providing employment, tourism and revenue via a legal means be considered harmful to Guyana? In conclusion, legal gambling is greatly needed in a country like Guyana which is considered a third world country. According to www. cia. gov, Guyana has a debt of USD$1. 234 billion. Thus, legal gambling is a source of earning foreign currency which in turn can assist in settling our debts and developing our country. These are a few reasons why I support the argument that gambling in Guyana is a benefit to our society.

Sports and Leisure Facilities Requires Economical Growth †Business 250 Word Essay

Sports and Leisure Facilities Requires Economical Growth – Business 250 Word Essay Free Online Research Papers Sports and Leisure Facilities Requires Economical Growth Business 250 Word Essay The owners of the company that you work for want to provide sports and leisure facilities for employees but have a limited amount of money to expend. Write a report (250 words) stating which facilities would be more appropriate for your staff and suggesting an economical means by which this might operate. This report is the product of the need of the management of our company to find a way to help the employees of the same to cope with the stress they might suffer due to the everyday effort they make to help in our worldwide expansion. A meeting with thirty members of our staff has been held in order to share opinions and reach a conclusion. There was general agreement that, despite the fact that our staff work continuously under a lot of pressure and that the importance of the team work in our company is essential, the activities and facilities that the â€Å"Reserva Natur† offers could perfectly suit the needs of both the company and the individuals. The â€Å"Reserva Natur† is located in a quiet and natural area close to Puigpunyent, and offers three different packages for companies, which are the following: Relaxation package: hiking excursions, swimming in lakes and picnics inside the park for those who feel the need of relaxing. Adventure package: activities like climbing, canoeing, diving, etc. for those who look for something exciting. Team building activities: those are games that involve a high participation of all the members of the team. Some examples are: paint-guns fights, mud-fights, It was unanimously agreed that the team building activities are very good for the collaboration between the members of the team because at the same time that they play, they try to achieve a common objective. Those activities also help in knowing better each other and meeting people from other departments. It has been proposed that a five per cent of the annual incomes of the company could be used to finance the project. Alternatively the staff would accept not to receive any Christmas gifts from the company but to go to the â€Å"Reserva Natur† at least three times per year. Research Papers on Sports and Leisure Facilities Requires Economical Growth - Business 250 Word EssayThe Project Managment Office SystemMarketing of Lifeboy Soap A Unilever ProductResearch Process Part OneAnalysis of Ebay Expanding into AsiaTwilight of the UAWOpen Architechture a white paperNever Been Kicked Out of a Place This NiceInfluences of Socio-Economic Status of Married MalesDefinition of Export QuotasThe Relationship Between Delinquency and Drug Use

Funny Quotes on Life That Teach You to Lighten Up

Funny Quotes on Life That Teach You to Lighten Up I find funny things happening around me all the time. Just the other day, my husband and my kids were tap dancing around the house. Usually, my husband is not predisposed to dancing, but here he was making tribal sounds and jerking his shoulders, as if he had been partially electrocuted. And no, this was not a new dancing style in vogue. This was simply his attempt to hunt a little spider. That little creature had suddenly decided to go bungee-jumping from the ceiling straight into my hubbys clothes. So why were the kids tap dancing too? Because they were excited, as they expected him to turn spidery and crawl up the walls, like their favorite superhero. Well, he almost made their wish come true.And if things couldnt get worse, I managed to get out of the tangled web of spiders to walk straight into a hive of angry bees at the park. Thats when I saw some neighborhood kids laughing their guts out. I wonder what could be so funny about an oversized woman running in the park with a purse above her head, and a host of buzzing bees angrily chasing her. It was probably the high heels that grabbed too much attention! Life Is FunnyLifes funny at times. You find many situations that make you smirk or smile. Perhaps you read a funny status message on Facebook or Twitter? Or perhaps a friend said something hilarious that kept you smiling through the day? Life is funny, when you look at the lighter side of things. Humor keeps stress at bay, and makes time pass smoothly, like a well-oiled machine.Humor can be a double-edged sword though. Statements laced with sarcasm can drive home a point. Want to tell your neighbor that his dog stinks? Poke harmless fun at your neighbor. Maybe he will get the message. But what if you tell your boss that you are overworked and underpaid? Try making a humorous remark that subtly drives the message home. You may actually end up with a fatter paycheck or some other perks. That is, if you dont get fired for speaking up.What If You Cant Spot the Funny Stuff?If you are blessed with a funny bone, you will see the funnier side of things. However, if you lack the ability to la ugh, you may need help. Read these funny quotes on life. These quotes inspire you to find humor in the mundane. Whether you are trying to understand humor or life, there is a lot to gain from funny quotes.Alyce P. Cornyn-SelbyA perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.Jane Wagner, The Search for Intelligent Life in The UniverseAll my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.Woody AllenAll people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.Yogi BerraAlways go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours.Herbert SamuelAn autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.Mark Twain Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.Lao-TzuBorn to be wild - live to outgrow it.Robert GronockHe who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.Woody AllenI am not afraid of death, I just dont want to be there when it happens.Winston ChurchillI am prepared to meet my Ma ker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.Woody AllenI do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.Whoopi GoldbergI dont like driving very much. That makes me very unhappy, because I scream a lot in the car, but other than that, life is actually pretty good.Jim RohnI find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they do their lives.Oscar WildeI put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.Dean SmithIf you’re going to make every game a matter of life or death, you’re going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.Joey AdamsIn life, its not who you know thats important, its how your wife found out.Truman CapoteLife is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.Oscar WildeLife is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.Bertrand RussellLife is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rath er than the victim. Djuna BarnesLife is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.Bob MonkhousePersonally, I dont think theres intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?Fran LebowitzStand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.George CarlinThe day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.Robert HeinleinThe supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.Oscar WildeThere are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.Benjamin FranklinWere it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.Mark TwainWhen we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.Stephen FryA cousin of mine who was a ca sualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.Neil SimonHe’s too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.Jim CarreyI think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that its not the answer.Henny YoungmanI told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.Stephen WrightI went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.Mae WestIs that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?Cathy GuisewiteMothers, food, love, and career: the four major guilt groups.Amelia EarhartNever interrupt someone doing what you said couldnt be done.Mark TwainNever put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.Sholom AleichemNo matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.